"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Returns from World Tour and Announces Retirement"

Dear Everyone in the World and Beyond,

  As you know, I sometimes tour for a certain well-known "comedy school": I am told the happy North Korean workers at the Peoples' Glorious Cement Factory #6 still chuckle (on their own time, of course), recalling my robot voice.
 
  I was delighted to hone my craft and preserve world peace at the same time.

 Last week, however, after our most recent tour, I went in for a "chat" with Ms. Klisterschmuck, the head of touring.

  "Ms. Klisterschmuck," I expolsulated, "I quit."

  "Now, Cleetus you idiot, you don't want to do that."

  "Ms. Klisterschmuck, I don't know if you know it, but my last name is Ferbderbler, a fine old name, not idiot..."

  "Touchy, touchy: You're probably jet-lagged from the tour."

  "Ms. Klisterschmuck,  we traveled to our last appearance in Damascus at the Displaced Persons' Camp # 472 by a vintage 1947 prop plane, not a jet.  Then we traveled by van to an Ebola hospital in the Congo---it took two weeks.  Our per diem was calculated in maize."

  "Cleetus, thousands of young improvisors would kill for these opportunities."

  "Ms. Klisterschmuck, I will miss the comraderie, the $65 a show, and the per diem calculated in the local currency..."

  "By the way, you still owe us from the North Korean debacle: How anyone can spend $600 a day in North Korea and not own the place is beyond the accounting department..."
 
  I raised my hands in a gesture universally signalling, "Enough!"
 
 "Enough!"  I said.  "I am moving to LOS ANGELES!"

  "Bon voyage; leave your forwarding address with accounting."

TO BE CONTINUED...

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Announces New Tour with Famous "Comedy School"

Dear Everyone,

Well, as those of you who follow my adventures know, after my terrifying descent into drug addiction,
(July 26---28th), I became a drug counselor.
  After the ruckus when I returned their quiz results, I was seriously doubting this career path, when Fate, that merry minx, interrupted with a phone call from a certain famous "comedy school":
  Ms. Klisterschmuck, Director of Touring: Cleetus, you idiot.
  Me: Ms. Klisterschmuck, my last name is Ferbderbler, not "you idiot."
  Ms. K: Whatever.  I need you to tour with 3rd World Co next Tuesday to Egypt.

After some heavy duty bargaining re; per diems! (I now know to demand more than $1.65 per day; this tour I'm getting $2.50!  Score!).

After Cairo, we are scheduled to appear at something called Ebola Camp # 2, which should be a hoot.

All in all, quite a relief from drug counseling!

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Speaks Out on Revolting Drug Addicts"

Dear Everyone,

Well, my terrifying descent into drug addiction (July 26--28th) yielded many interesting experiences, but none more terrifying than when I returned their dismal quiz results to my group of "ex" junkies.

Honestly, drug addicts have a rather poor reputation: You would think they'd appreciate an honestly-graded written quiz.

The revolt began with Doc (everything in group is completely confidential; however, I will hint that he has that name for a reason{if you need heart surgery in Evanston, consider going somewhere else; I'm just saying}.

  "Um, Cleetus?"
   "Yes, Doc?"
   "Is there some reason you marked me down on the frequency of bus service to Humboldt Park question?"
    "Yes, Doc, there is: You wrote 'My Benz does my biz,' which was not the question; as a graduate of Princeton, I expected better of you."

There was a bit of a kerfuffle: Many in the group did not appreciate having an Ivy Leaguer in their midst.  Even my degree in improvisation and cooking from Valdosta Community College raised a few eyebrows.

We then broke for coffee, and surprisingly, no one returned. 
How fickle drug addicts can be!

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Drug Counselor"

Dear Everyone,

  My drug counseling group is getting a little unfocused---last evening, they talked about something called "goofballs" for over an hour.  At first, I thought they were being rude to me, but later figured out it was nothing personal.

  I've decided to give them a written quiz tonight.  Here is the quiz (please don't share with any known drug addicts, as that might give some of the junkies an unfair advantage).

1.  What is a "goofball?"
2.  How often do busses run to Humboldt Park?
3.  Why are drugs bad?
4.  A "spike" is:

• A baseball bat.
• A derogatory racial slur.
• A drug thingy.

Please write in 140 characters or less how grateful you are for these drug counseling sessions, and the free gourmet coffee.

Stay tuned for the educational results!

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Quells Insurrection"

Dear Everyone,

Last night at my new job counseling recovering drug addicts, there was a smidgeon of  unpleasantness.

Big Spike (his real name, by the way), who, during the day is a highly respected member of some
commodities trading firm, raised his hand.

  I interrupted my recounting of my hellish 4 hours kicking H to acknowledge him.

"Yes?" I said coolly.
"No offense, Chief, but exactly how long were you riding the white pony?"
"Well, Big Spike, it's a little hard to keep track of time when you're in that condition..."
"Because according to JUNKIE, which you read to us for about nine hours yesterday..."
"See what I mean, B. S. ? It was actually no longer than 25 or 30 minutes..."
"It takes two hits a day for two months to DEVELOP a habit: page 115."

The group looked at me dubiously; junkies are so paranoid.

"Inflation, B.S.  That book was written in the '50's, when eggs were 2 cents apiece; things have changed.  Now you can get hooked, seek help and kick in ten days."

The group nodded; I had regained my authority.  B.S. slunk out.

STAY TUNED! and D.A.R.E.!

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Talks Tough"

Dear Everyone,

  I had my first "group" session as a drug counselor yesterday!  So excited.

  I opened with a frank account of my harrowing descent into drug addiction last week---the long bus rides to Humboldt Park looking to "score" with my "connection. "  Actually, the group was very interested in that part---lots of questions, and gossip about various interesting experiences.

 I thought we were getting a little off-topic, so I brought out the bible:  JUNKIE, by William S. Burroughs, borrowed from the Chicago Public Library.  I read aloud for about 25 minutes this classic account of the scourge of drugs, circa 1952.

 Some of the group were looking a little sleepy, so we adjourned; I invited people to stay for coffee and more sharing, but everyone had someplace to go.

  ONE DAY AT A TIME!

Cleeuts Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Announces new Career Path

Dear Everyone,

Since becoming clean and sober last week ( by the way, when they say unlimited free gourmet coffee,
they actually mean, after 3 pots, they start looking at you funny.  I'm just saying),
I've become a drug counselor.

If you find your life careening out of control, I hope you'll consider joining me in the path of sobriety
and
FREE UNLIMITED GOURMET COFFEE.

It's such a relief; those bus rides to Humboldt Park took forever.

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Clean and Sober

Dear Everyone Who has Supported Me During my Terrifying Descent into Drug Addiction:

Well, it's been quite a week. 

   My girlfriend, Gaia Shalom Namaste, came out to Humboldt Park last night and chased away
my new friends, Spike, Lefty and Crazy Girl. 
  I wasn't making much sense at the time, as I'd been "high" for over 15 minutes.  (One of the challenges of my terrifying descent into drug addiction was that I don't have much money; I could only afford 1/64 of the usual "hit," and nobody seemed inclined to take Discover.  I think a savvy businessman would revisit this policy).

  Then, she bundled me into her 2013 Prius and took me to this wonderful place:  Free coffee, free phone usuage, no judgment.

  LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL----Thank you, Gaia Shalom Namaste!

After I receive my free bus pass, I plan to go apply for a "job" as a drug counselor.

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Unavailable for Comment

It is I, Gaia Shalom Namaste, speaking:

Cleetus Ferbderbler is my life and soul mate; unfortunately, this week he has become a hopeless junkie.  

I will continue this blog with the assistance of our attorney, Tom King Clear.

First, I'd like to speak out about the horrific politics in certain hot yoga studios.
Personally, I do not find some little maniac barking, "HOLD. HOLD. HOLD!  NEXT POSE!"
to be terribly enlightening.

I will now go to Humboldt Park to look for Cleetus.

Namaste

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor Dares to Stay Off Drugs, to No Avail

Hey, man:

(Since my terrifying descent into drug addiction, I find myself speaking like a hep cat from 1956).

So, (snore....scratch), anyway....
I'm like back from Cairo...
Shows were a complete bummer...
Audience thought my robot voice was a comment on some
local dude...
Slept 45 hours...

Had a downer interview with Ms. Klisterschmuck at a certain "comedy" school---
She just doesn't get it, man.  AND SHE KNEW JOHN BELUSHI, honestly...

Later...I've got, an...
appointment (and since I don't drive, I have to take the bus to a certain high crime area, and it takes
FOREVER).

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Announces Terrifying Descent Into Drug Addiction

Dear Everyone,
  I'd like to announce my terrifying descent into drug addiction.

After our last show in Cairo (only fair; the audience seemed distracted), I collected my per diem---$1.65---and headed into the humid, but enticing Cairo evening.

Within moments!  I was in an OPIUM DEN, and "chasing the dragon" for all I was worth!

I have a few questions, however:

1.  When I return to the Midwest, are needles (or "spikes") included?
2.  Do the "dealers" (or "connections") take Discover?
3.  If I become a "dealer" myself, are my expenses fully deductible?

Stay tuned, everyone----soon this will be "Naked Lunch" meets "Teen Spirit" meets many many Billie Holiday songs!

So excited!

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Confronts Mob in Cairo (not Illinois)

Dear Everyone, I blog to you today from EGYPT!

  Two days ago, I received a call from a certain "comedy" school which occasionally "hires" me to
spread the "gospel" of "improv" throughout the world.  (It's strange, other people go to places like Brandeis, or the University of South Dakota;  I am sent to North Korea, and now: EGYPT!)

  Ms. Klisterschmuck, the director of touring, called me in and said, "Cleetus, you idiot.  What's that nonsense on your face?"
  I patiently explained that muttonchop whiskers are the latest thing for edgy young hip people like me.
  "You look like Chester A. Arthur. Get a razor when you arrive in Cairo.  It's a very conservative country."

  Well, I guess Ms. Klisterschmuck was right:  Ever since we've been here, crowds have been gathering in the streets outside the hotel.   Apparently muttonchop whiskers are a divisive issue---some people are shouting "Yes!" and others, "No!"

I refuse to be swayed by public opinion! 
Long live the chops!

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Announces New Style!

Dear Everyone:

As a taste-maker and opinion influencer, I take my responsibilities very seriously.

Therefore, after long consideration, I announce the following NEW STYLE:

MUTTONCHOP WHISKERS.

I have spoken.

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Discovers Shocking Working Conditions at Clothing Factory

Dear Everyone Who Loves Edgy, Yet Affordable Clothing:

As some of you know, I recently founded a clothing line:

CFBI
(that is, Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor).

Committed as I am to responsible, sustainable stuff, I visited the place where my edgy, yet affordable garments are made, to make sure the place was A--OK.  

Shocking; just shocking:

1. The building was light and airy.  There was a pastry tray in evidence.
2. The place was staffed by dozens of Northwestern grads, idling around, drinking coffee, joking, checking their "smart" phones. 
3. No wonder my profit margins are well below industry averages!

I am looking into shifting production to Tijuana, Mexico, as soon as I can figure out what "sweatshop" is in Spanish.

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, on Serious Flaws in the Banking System

Dear Everyone,

Thanks to all who have offered to invest in

                             CFBI

my new line of fashion.  My meeting with the "bankers" at a certain well-known "bank" revealed a tragic lack of vision on their part. 

Next time I will certainly bring some papers in folders; perhaps a chart or two?  Graphs? 
Their characterization of my presentation as "free association bordering on the pathological" I
thought was rather rude. 

I can look back on yesterday now and laugh a light laugh; yesterday,  I gave serious thought to joining the Occupy Movement.

Stay tuned!

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Announces New Fashion Line

Dear Everyone,

I am thrilled to announce a new fashion line:

         CFBI

 (for, "Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor").

It will be edgy, yet classic; affordable, yet wildly profitable.

The garments will be made humanely, but very cheaply, by interns.

 

I have a meeting with some visionary venture capitalists at

Chase Bank next week.   My attorney:

                                                                Tom King Clear,

                                           has advised me to ask for "as much as possible."

                                                                     Stay tuned!

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, announces JOY!

Dear Everyone,
Please ignore the last posting.  All is well in loveland.   The light of my life, GAIA SHALOM NAMASTE, has returned to me.

(By the way, her real name is Becky Johnson.  This is one of the confidences we exchanged during our reconciliation.  I guess it's not much of a confidence if I just blogged about it, but, you know what I mean).

It turns out her Bikram yoga lover was a real stinker:  He accused her of being "insincere" and "not going fully into the poses."

What a douche.  I happen to know his real name is Harvey McAllister, and his only yoga training is online.

Anyhoo, am deliriously happy---we're going out for bar-b-que and giving up the natural lifestyle for awhile.

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Renounces Love Forever

Dear Everyone,

I apologize in advance if this post is less lucid and compelling than usual.  I write through a fog of tears, with a broken heart.

In short, the love of my life (so far), GAIA SHALOM NAMASTE, has left me for a part-time Bikram yoga instructor.

I was completely unprepared---I somehow missed the warning signs, viz., the little frowns, the impatient tapping of the toe while I was recounting some improv TRIUMPH, the number of times she called me an idiot (approximately 350, as of last week).

The final straw that broke my loving camel's back was last Tuesday.  We were doing a little evening meditation when she announced, "Cleetus.  You idiot.  Are you aware that you have been humming Bohemian Rhapsody for the last 20 minutes?"

Well, one thing led to another, and 10 minutes later, I heard about the part-time Bikram yoga instructor.

Ladies, guess who's free!

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Starts Band

Dear Everyone,

I'm thrilled to announce the formation of the band that America and English-speaking parts of the world have been waiting for:

THE CLEETUS FERBDERBLER B$ND.

I'm moving to Los Angeles this summer, and a band is sort of a prerequisite.  We will have very intense rehearsals and issue manifestos.  We will only tour by bike (the love of my life, Gaia Shalom Namaste, insists on this----the earth is a very good friend of hers).

We will refuse to license our music to heartless corporations that do bad things, but only to craft breweries with integrity.

Gaia Shalom Namaste and I will, of course, be the core of the band, but we will be conducting very long auditions to find others who share our VISION and actually play some instruments or sing or something.

(Speaking of the love of my life, an amusing incident occurred the other evening at Trader Joes's:  We were shopping for organic tabouleh, and were looking in different aisles.  I found it first, and called rather loudly:  "GAIA SHALOM NAMASTE!" 
Three people responded, "SAME TO YOU!")

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, in Love

Dear Everyone,

 My 27 years have been mere existence----now I see the point of life. 

  It is love.  

Her name is Gaia Shalom Namaste.  She is perfection.  I weep humble tears of gratitude that we met while I was sweeping the front steps of a certain well-known "comedy" school in Chicago which thinks I still owe them $2975 from a certain tour of a certain Asian dictatorship.

But, I will not entertain negative thoughts.  Gaia has explained the concept of karma to me, and the power of positive thinking.

(Her multiple degrees are in the fields of peace studies and, strangely enough, martial arts.)
She is also a very fine waitress.

I must be off----we're starting a juice cleanse.

(By the way, keep tuned: I'm thinking of changing my name to something more inspirational, such "Mandala."  Mandala Ferbderbler---it has a ring to it!).

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, announces new Kickstarter Campaign

Dear Everyone in the World Who Loves Improv and All Things Good:

Those of you who follow my career know that recently I returned from a phenomenomally successful tour of North Korea.  I was thrilled to be part of a tremendously talented group from a very well-known Chicago comedy powerhouse of the '70's and '80's.

I was less thrilled to be presented with a bill for $3000 when I got back; exchange rate troubles.  It happens---look at poor little Iceland.

Therefore, I am now announcing a Kickstarter Campaign:
Step one: Raise $533.00 for Cleetus' rent.
Step two: Raise $75.00 for Cleetus' phone bill.

I am offering tremendously thrilling perks like:
A tour of my apartment, whenever my seven roomates are out.
A T--shirt!  You may pick any one I own, if it's clean.

COME!  JOIN THE PASSION!

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Imbroiled in Salary Dispute with Well-known "Comedy" School

Dear Everyone,

Thanks to all who followed my adventures touring for a well-known "Comedy" school.  Our performances in North Korea, at the People's Glorious Cement Factory # 6, and for Our Beloved Leader, were certainly memorable.

Imagine my horror, at returning to a large midwestern city (my attorney, Tom King Clear, has advised me to be as vague as possible), to be called into the main office of a certain well-known
"Comedy" school, famous for producing, and sometimes expelling, several well-known comedians of the '70's.

"Cleetus, you idiot, " the Head of Touring, greeted me.

"Good morning, Ms. Klisterschmuck."

"How the hell did you spend $600.00 a day in North Korea?"

I patiently explained, that, while not a professional economist, I reasoned that the rate of exchange could be made to work in my favor----as the North Korean won = 0.00759293 USD, I spent rather freely. 

"Your per diem was calculated in North Korean won."

I started visibly.  Surely some error has occurred.

"Yes, and you made it:  You owe us $3000.00."

I have referred this matter to my attorney, Tom King Clear. 
Stay tuned!

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, offer Theater Review of completely awful play

Dear Everyone,

Please do not go see "R-senic $ Old Lace" by the supposedly "new" "Theatre" "Collective."

I know---they've won the MacArthur Grant (should be "the Mc Awful Grant, in my opinion").  I know they are transferring to Broadway like by next Tuesday or something; I know it's being made into a video game.

I DON'T CARE----IT'S AWFUL.

I suppose, if all you care about is lots of flowing fabric, and bacon frying, and NUDE SCENES,
then, fine, you'll love it; see if I care.

Personally, I have decided to return to my first love---the dance.
Stay tuned! (and don't go to that awful play, unless you get a comp).

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, speaks out on Theater Schism

Dear Everyone,

As many of you know, I founded a theater collective called The THEATRE.  Without being judgey about it, some people were too immature and hot-headed to put in the 10,000 hours of theater games necessary to do a production of Aresenic & Old Lace with real integrity.

Imagine my horror, at reading in the Red Eye,
 "Local Theater Collective, THE NEW THEATRE, wins MacArthur grant;
  Groundbreaking Production to transfer to Broadway
   And become a video game."

These imps have the nerve to be doing a piece entitled, "R+senic $ Old Lace?"  which sounds completely without integrity, in my opinion. 

I mean, nude scenes?  Really!  I am glad not to be associated with this nonsense.

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, preserves World Peace"

Dear Everyone,

Well, if the world goes to war tomorrow, it's not the fault of yours truly!   Our show for the Beloved Leader of North Korea went really, really well!

We were shown into the Glorious Heavenly Palace by a lot of skinny guards who seemed like Scientologists or something, but whatever.

The Beloved Leader came out and walked over a runway of adoring subjects, and sat on a throne made of gold, sent from naive aid organizations.

We bowed several times, then asked for a suggestion for our merriment. 

"Elvis, " the Beloved One said, without a thought.

Our forty minute improvisation, complete with mini-musical thanks to our Music Director, Lutecia la Faloza,
was a smash!  Many, many chuckles and one broad smile.

My existence is justified, not to mention the $65 we are paid for each and every show.

You are welcome, world!

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, attempts to placate irate North Koreans"

"Dear Everyone,

After our boffo show at the People's Glorious Cement Factory # 6, I was leaving the stage when an almond left over from lunch fell out of my pocket.

  Sixty-five North Koreans fell onto it, like extremely hungry North Korean people.

Our Interpreter, told me,
"This is a way of showing respect to a visitor; also, do you have any more of those?"

I gave her an almond, and I believe we are engaged.

Tomorrow---our show for the Glorious Leader!
So excited.

(Please send more almonds).

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, on tour at People's Glorious Cement Factory, # 6, North Korea"

Dear everyone,

 I must say, the North Korean audiences seem to appreciate improv.

We asked for a suggestion, and received "Long live our glorious leader and death to the American imperialist, except for our honored guests,"  which is better than the reception we got at All-State, the last time we did team-building there.

We did an opening exercise, which got one laugh:  The manager went down into the audience and beat the laughing person with a whip. 

The stage manager took the manager aside, and, through an interpreter, said "This is a comedy show; we want the people to laugh."

Then, the manager would beat anyone who didn't laugh.

All in all, not a bad show.

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor to visit Pyongyang"

"Dear Everyone,

  Although my attorney, Tom King Clear, refers to me as the Boy Improvisor, I am actually a seasoned and battle-hardened 27 years old.  I have been studying the ancient art of improvisation since my days at the Valdosta Academy of Arts, where I majored in Improvisation and Cooking.

I am thrilled to announce that a certain Chicago institution well-known for producing comedians in the seventies and eighties has asked me to join their tour to North Korea.

I accepted immediately and am looking into the whole passport issue.

I will keep you informed, as I attempt to keep world peace.

SELAH!

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, at Artistic Crossroads

Dear Everyone,
  I am in a quandary.  After the unpleasantness with a certain Chicago institution famous for "satire" and "comedy,"  I immediately founded an experimental theater company.  After our first seven hour rehearsal, a schism occurred, but I was not embittered: If some people are so lazy and uncouth as to begrudge an auteur a mere seven hours of "Zip, Zap, Zop," it is their loss.
 
"Vaya con dios," I say, although my beliefs run along the agnostic side.

Lately, it  has seemed necessary to return to school.  Therefore,   I emailed my father for funds.

He called immediately.

"Cleetus, you moron, what is this nonsense about going back to school?"

I detected the pride hidden in his gruff demeanour.

"Yes, Father.  Clearly, a PhD is all this credential crazy world respects."

"In what?"

"Puppetry."

There was a very strange sound at the other end.
I wonder when he will send the $40,000.

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor Sadly Announces Schism in THE THEATRE.

"Dear Everyone,

  On the advice of my attorney, Tom King Clear, I will not use names in the following heartbreaking narrative.

  After our first rehearsal of our new theatre collective, THE THEATRE, one of the ensemble members came up to me with a face like a thundercloud.

  "Cleetus, " she seethed, in a seething kind of voice, "I can't believe we just spent seven hours doing theater games..."
  "I know!" I chortled.  "Wasn't it great?  No one has ever committed this fully to a production of Arsenic and Old Lace."
  "Exactly.  It was insane.   Four of us are going to quit the collective and form our own, THE NEW THEATRE."

  I writhed.  I gnashed my teeth.  Was this how Bertolt Brecht was treated?  Shakespeare?  The guy who wrote RENT, before he died?

  Stay tuned!

I think I am being censored; alert Wikileaks...

This space is reserved for future use.

New Theatre Collective Announced--Please notice spelling.

Dear Everyone,

I write to announce the foundation of a new theater collective, which should take care of everything.

After my last few weeks at improv class, I thought, after some prodding by the Maestro, my teacher, that I should seek a new outlet for my many talents, especially my Robot Voice.

Therefore, I called together a few loyal minions, and after many brainstorming sessions, and a few hangovers, we have announced:

THE THEATRE.

Please notice the spelling.

We are going to have many, many rehearsals.  All of those plays like "12 Angry Men" and "1776" and "Aresenic and Old Lace" are FINALLY going to have a definative performance.

Follow us on Facebook, when we get our page up....

Message from Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor

"Dear everyone,

 Last evening after my level 4 class, "Creating Humor out of Roomate Situations ,"
the Maestro came up to me with a peculiar look in his eyes (perhaps those rumors about his drinking are true).

"Cleetus, what the hell were you doing tonight?"

I patiently explained that I took a workshop this weekend (at another very well-known comedy institution here in Chicago, which seems to value creativity more than some well-known institutions I could name, but won't, on the advice of my attorney, Tom King Clear). 

The workshop was entitled "Silencing the Censor Within" and got a little crazy, I must admit, but it was only $25.

We did this fantastic exercise for 6 hours where we did long-form improv without using the word "I."
You just do improv, but say things like, "The bus is late today."  "Soon it will be winter."  "Cheese is desirable."  It's supposed to turn the improv stage into a crucible of truth.

The Maestro said, "I don't know what you think you were doing, but you sounded like the subtitles for a European art film."

I thanked him.

"That wasn't a compliment; please don't do it again."

I am at an artistic crossroads!  I personally think that my "Cleaning the refrigerator" scene with my classmate Zenobia was some of my best work ever.

Stay tuned!"

Message from Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor---Assault on Free Speech

"Dear Everyone:

     I am shocked to report that my free speech rights have been assaulted.  Even more shocking, this occurred at a very well-known local institution known for "satire" and "comedy."  (My attorney, Tom King Clear, has advised me to be vague).

    After my Level 4 "Using Everyday Objects in a Funny Way" class last night, my instructor, the Maestro, came up to me and said, "Look, Cleetus.  You're a nice boy, not too bright, maybe, but some people seem to like you."

  As this was the kindest thing he has ever said to me, I began to tear up a little.

 "But" he expostulated, "You can't hand out flyers for that damn Robot Voice Workshop in class."

  I was stunned.  "But, Maestro:  I'm being entrepreneurial.  I'm following my passion."

 "Your passion stops at my classroom door."

I am considering legal action.

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor Offers Workshop

A message from Cleetus:

"Dear Everyone,
   Please sign up for my improv workshop, "Finding Your (Robot) Voice."   Place and time TBA.  Cost: $200."

More from Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor

"Dear Everyone:  Shocking news.  Second City has turned down my proposal for a Skybox show.
  It was for a totally cutting-edge improv-based multimedia extravaganza, and...here's the kicker...
  ALL ROBOTS!

Not actual robots, I mean, the cast would all play robots.
There must have been some mistake.  If we all email Second City, perhaps this can be taken care of."

A message from my buddy, Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor

"Dear everyone, please come to my show.  We are trying to raise money to start a kickstarter campaign.
It's BYOB, location TBD.
  On a personal note, my teacher at Second City has raised grave doubts about my getting into the Conservatory.  He particularly has artistic qualms about my "robot voice."  I mean, come on-- really: as many of you know, it kills.
  I have nothing but respect for the Maestro, as he likes to be called:  Those two episodes of Will & Grace he was connected with are a formidable legacy.
  I was thinking you could email him and urge him to reconsider.  I don't have his email, but I'm sure you could send it to SC, and they could forward it."