Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Discovers Shocking Working Conditions at Clothing Factory

Dear Everyone Who Loves Edgy, Yet Affordable Clothing:

As some of you know, I recently founded a clothing line:

CFBI
(that is, Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor).

Committed as I am to responsible, sustainable stuff, I visited the place where my edgy, yet affordable garments are made, to make sure the place was A--OK.  

Shocking; just shocking:

1. The building was light and airy.  There was a pastry tray in evidence.
2. The place was staffed by dozens of Northwestern grads, idling around, drinking coffee, joking, checking their "smart" phones. 
3. No wonder my profit margins are well below industry averages!

I am looking into shifting production to Tijuana, Mexico, as soon as I can figure out what "sweatshop" is in Spanish.