Tuesday, August 6, 2013

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Speaks Out on Revolting Drug Addicts"

Dear Everyone,

Well, my terrifying descent into drug addiction (July 26--28th) yielded many interesting experiences, but none more terrifying than when I returned their dismal quiz results to my group of "ex" junkies.

Honestly, drug addicts have a rather poor reputation: You would think they'd appreciate an honestly-graded written quiz.

The revolt began with Doc (everything in group is completely confidential; however, I will hint that he has that name for a reason{if you need heart surgery in Evanston, consider going somewhere else; I'm just saying}.

  "Um, Cleetus?"
   "Yes, Doc?"
   "Is there some reason you marked me down on the frequency of bus service to Humboldt Park question?"
    "Yes, Doc, there is: You wrote 'My Benz does my biz,' which was not the question; as a graduate of Princeton, I expected better of you."

There was a bit of a kerfuffle: Many in the group did not appreciate having an Ivy Leaguer in their midst.  Even my degree in improvisation and cooking from Valdosta Community College raised a few eyebrows.

We then broke for coffee, and surprisingly, no one returned. 
How fickle drug addicts can be!


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