Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, speaks out on Theater Schism

Dear Everyone,

As many of you know, I founded a theater collective called The THEATRE.  Without being judgey about it, some people were too immature and hot-headed to put in the 10,000 hours of theater games necessary to do a production of Aresenic & Old Lace with real integrity.

Imagine my horror, at reading in the Red Eye,
 "Local Theater Collective, THE NEW THEATRE, wins MacArthur grant;
  Groundbreaking Production to transfer to Broadway
   And become a video game."

These imps have the nerve to be doing a piece entitled, "R+senic $ Old Lace?"  which sounds completely without integrity, in my opinion. 

I mean, nude scenes?  Really!  I am glad not to be associated with this nonsense.