"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Imbroiled in Salary Dispute with Well-known "Comedy" School

Dear Everyone,

Thanks to all who followed my adventures touring for a well-known "Comedy" school.  Our performances in North Korea, at the People's Glorious Cement Factory # 6, and for Our Beloved Leader, were certainly memorable.

Imagine my horror, at returning to a large midwestern city (my attorney, Tom King Clear, has advised me to be as vague as possible), to be called into the main office of a certain well-known
"Comedy" school, famous for producing, and sometimes expelling, several well-known comedians of the '70's.

"Cleetus, you idiot, " the Head of Touring, greeted me.

"Good morning, Ms. Klisterschmuck."

"How the hell did you spend $600.00 a day in North Korea?"

I patiently explained, that, while not a professional economist, I reasoned that the rate of exchange could be made to work in my favor----as the North Korean won = 0.00759293 USD, I spent rather freely. 

"Your per diem was calculated in North Korean won."

I started visibly.  Surely some error has occurred.

"Yes, and you made it:  You owe us $3000.00."

I have referred this matter to my attorney, Tom King Clear. 
Stay tuned!

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, offer Theater Review of completely awful play

Dear Everyone,

Please do not go see "R-senic $ Old Lace" by the supposedly "new" "Theatre" "Collective."

I know---they've won the MacArthur Grant (should be "the Mc Awful Grant, in my opinion").  I know they are transferring to Broadway like by next Tuesday or something; I know it's being made into a video game.

I DON'T CARE----IT'S AWFUL.

I suppose, if all you care about is lots of flowing fabric, and bacon frying, and NUDE SCENES,
then, fine, you'll love it; see if I care.

Personally, I have decided to return to my first love---the dance.
Stay tuned! (and don't go to that awful play, unless you get a comp).

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, speaks out on Theater Schism

Dear Everyone,

As many of you know, I founded a theater collective called The THEATRE.  Without being judgey about it, some people were too immature and hot-headed to put in the 10,000 hours of theater games necessary to do a production of Aresenic & Old Lace with real integrity.

Imagine my horror, at reading in the Red Eye,
 "Local Theater Collective, THE NEW THEATRE, wins MacArthur grant;
  Groundbreaking Production to transfer to Broadway
   And become a video game."

These imps have the nerve to be doing a piece entitled, "R+senic $ Old Lace?"  which sounds completely without integrity, in my opinion. 

I mean, nude scenes?  Really!  I am glad not to be associated with this nonsense.

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, preserves World Peace"

Dear Everyone,

Well, if the world goes to war tomorrow, it's not the fault of yours truly!   Our show for the Beloved Leader of North Korea went really, really well!

We were shown into the Glorious Heavenly Palace by a lot of skinny guards who seemed like Scientologists or something, but whatever.

The Beloved Leader came out and walked over a runway of adoring subjects, and sat on a throne made of gold, sent from naive aid organizations.

We bowed several times, then asked for a suggestion for our merriment. 

"Elvis, " the Beloved One said, without a thought.

Our forty minute improvisation, complete with mini-musical thanks to our Music Director, Lutecia la Faloza,
was a smash!  Many, many chuckles and one broad smile.

My existence is justified, not to mention the $65 we are paid for each and every show.

You are welcome, world!

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, attempts to placate irate North Koreans"

"Dear Everyone,

After our boffo show at the People's Glorious Cement Factory # 6, I was leaving the stage when an almond left over from lunch fell out of my pocket.

  Sixty-five North Koreans fell onto it, like extremely hungry North Korean people.

Our Interpreter, told me,
"This is a way of showing respect to a visitor; also, do you have any more of those?"

I gave her an almond, and I believe we are engaged.

Tomorrow---our show for the Glorious Leader!
So excited.

(Please send more almonds).

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, on tour at People's Glorious Cement Factory, # 6, North Korea"

Dear everyone,

 I must say, the North Korean audiences seem to appreciate improv.

We asked for a suggestion, and received "Long live our glorious leader and death to the American imperialist, except for our honored guests,"  which is better than the reception we got at All-State, the last time we did team-building there.

We did an opening exercise, which got one laugh:  The manager went down into the audience and beat the laughing person with a whip. 

The stage manager took the manager aside, and, through an interpreter, said "This is a comedy show; we want the people to laugh."

Then, the manager would beat anyone who didn't laugh.

All in all, not a bad show.

"Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor to visit Pyongyang"

"Dear Everyone,

  Although my attorney, Tom King Clear, refers to me as the Boy Improvisor, I am actually a seasoned and battle-hardened 27 years old.  I have been studying the ancient art of improvisation since my days at the Valdosta Academy of Arts, where I majored in Improvisation and Cooking.

I am thrilled to announce that a certain Chicago institution well-known for producing comedians in the seventies and eighties has asked me to join their tour to North Korea.

I accepted immediately and am looking into the whole passport issue.

I will keep you informed, as I attempt to keep world peace.

SELAH!

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, at Artistic Crossroads

Dear Everyone,
  I am in a quandary.  After the unpleasantness with a certain Chicago institution famous for "satire" and "comedy,"  I immediately founded an experimental theater company.  After our first seven hour rehearsal, a schism occurred, but I was not embittered: If some people are so lazy and uncouth as to begrudge an auteur a mere seven hours of "Zip, Zap, Zop," it is their loss.
 
"Vaya con dios," I say, although my beliefs run along the agnostic side.

Lately, it  has seemed necessary to return to school.  Therefore,   I emailed my father for funds.

He called immediately.

"Cleetus, you moron, what is this nonsense about going back to school?"

I detected the pride hidden in his gruff demeanour.

"Yes, Father.  Clearly, a PhD is all this credential crazy world respects."

"In what?"

"Puppetry."

There was a very strange sound at the other end.
I wonder when he will send the $40,000.

Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor Sadly Announces Schism in THE THEATRE.

"Dear Everyone,

  On the advice of my attorney, Tom King Clear, I will not use names in the following heartbreaking narrative.

  After our first rehearsal of our new theatre collective, THE THEATRE, one of the ensemble members came up to me with a face like a thundercloud.

  "Cleetus, " she seethed, in a seething kind of voice, "I can't believe we just spent seven hours doing theater games..."
  "I know!" I chortled.  "Wasn't it great?  No one has ever committed this fully to a production of Arsenic and Old Lace."
  "Exactly.  It was insane.   Four of us are going to quit the collective and form our own, THE NEW THEATRE."

  I writhed.  I gnashed my teeth.  Was this how Bertolt Brecht was treated?  Shakespeare?  The guy who wrote RENT, before he died?

  Stay tuned!