Cleetus Ferbderbler, Boy Improvisor, Returns to Normal World from Los Angeles

Dear Everyone in the World Who Loves Improv and Pursuing your Passion:

Well, whatever you do, don't go to Los Angeles.  Seriously, you can have your heart broken at home for free...

My first day there, I got an agent, three auditions and a drug habit.  As anyone who followed my terrifying descent into drug addiction (July 26--28th, 2013) can tell you, the white pony can really mess you up the most.

Actually, the drug habit was the high point of my sojourn.
After 6 months in Los Angeles, I had had:

3786 auditions;
9643 "meetings" (one violent);
182 roomates,
and 3.5 minutes of work.

So, I have moved back to Chicago and have decided to become a Russian oligarch.  It was a childhood dream, and now it's time to make it come true!